Month: January 2016

When True Love Happens

When friends turn into more

It’s kind of a gradual thing

You don’t notice at first because…

It begins with smiles, laughs,

Then it starts to turn into deep conversations

Which leads to deep eye contact

Then before you know it everything changes before your eyes…

You start to find ways to spend more time with this person

You feel a certain way if you see them flirting with someone else

You are emotionally attached to this person

And if you don’t see this person for ONE day you miss them

Although you deny these things at first

It gets impossible to deny

Eventually you fall in love..

You realized that this wasn’t just a friend…

But the love of your life

So when things turn left

..and life gets in the way

You find a hard time living without them

Cause this isn’t just anybody

By now you have known for quite some time

This person is the love of your life

So there’s no possible way to stop loving them…

Going without them is already hard enough

Where I’m At Right Now

I want to be crystal clear on where I’m at right now.

While I’m open to new possibilities, dating, getting to know someone. This year is about me and finding myself. I’ve come to realize that I still have a lot to learn about myself. I still have to learn how to fully love, and fully let go.

I’ve not given up on true love. I’ve meant everything I’ve said about who I think I truly belong with. I’m just not going to stop living my life because of it. I have faith that we will reunite when we’re both at our best. I wish her the best in all her endeavours, and I already know she does the same for me.

Nothing will ever break what we have. I know that we belong together. A few weeks ago I would get angry..heck even last week. But I won’t anymore. I refuse to because I know & have complete faith that we belong. Nothing, no one, no circumstance, could ever change that. What we have simply cannot be denied. So worrying about what she’s doing with someone else is unnecessary…

Right now I’m in a different place. I’m working on becoming a woman I will be proud of. I’m working on loving myself, and I’m working on loving the right way. So that one day I will love her the way she needs to be loved. I will be everything she ever wanted & more, and she’ll know what real true love is.

This journey is about me though. I know that in order for me to heal I need to learn to let others in. I’m doing that now….with someone else. This is a part of my journey. And what she’s experiencing right now is apart of hers.

There are probably lessons for me to learn. More things for me to experience.

And I’m good with that…because one day I’ll be where I’m supposed to be, and who I’m supposed to be.

Two souls will reunite when they’re supposed to.

Fate will see to that.

Healing Process

In 2016 I plan to evolve. I’m always looking to improve myself. I definitely have my flaws & things that I need to work on, but I know I have a good heart and I deserve love.

I can’t predict what anybody else does. I can’t change how people have treated me in the past, but I can’t keep letting all the things that have scarred me control my life.

I’m so ready to heal.

New Chapter?

I’m not going to get overly excited because it’s new

I’ve done that before

But that conversation was great

We exchanged numbers

I’m actually feeling good about this

Hope it goes well

If not I’ll still live to fight another day

 

Thought of the day: 2

Why and how can a person deny something so special? So real. For if she really believed all the things she attempts to convince me of… Why can’t we be in the same room when she’s around her girlfriend? Why does she avoid being in the same room with me when her girlfriend is around? If everything she says is really true there should be no problem with my name being in her phone, or us being in the same room. Because there’s nothing there right? Like who is she trying to convince me or herself?

Either way she’s not doing a good job of either.

Only thing she’s doing is proving that our connection is undeniable, and unnecessarily hurting me won’t change that.. .

I’d rather her just say that she can’t be with me right now because she isn’t ready, then deny we have anything at all.

It’s like just be honest with yourself.

Thought of the day: 1

Am I worse for letting her minimize & deny?

I really just believe that I can’t force her to see what I see. So I let her do it….because I know if she really believed what she said she wouldn’t get so angry about some of the things I say.

It hurts though. To watch someone you love minimize a relationship that means the world to you, just to validate her new one

Honestly that does the opposite.

But to me it does not matter. She isn’t even ready to accept the truth. Nothing I say will change the fact that she isn’t ready..

All I’m going to do right now is focus on myself and my future. Fate will work itself out.

Goodnight.

New Hope

You can’t make someone see the value. I for one am done trying to get anyone to see the value in me.

I definitely have my demons to face. But this 2016 and I will no longer live in my pain,  or let my misfortunes run my life. I will work on myself. I will know that I’m beautiful and deserve nothing but someone’s full attention. I will be successful in my endeavours in the criminal justice field. I will live my life to the fullest, and I will be happier.

Because I’ll know that my future will be bright, and that all the pain, hurt, & suffering I have been through are things that have made me the strong woman I am.

And I know that the person I am supposed to be with will know that I’m for them.

True love will never fail. There will be trials and tribulations, but it will be worth it.

My future will burn bright, my confidence will shine, I will be more optimistic,  I will become a woman I will be proud of, and the woman I love will love me & cherish me when the time is right.

I have hope.