Pit in my stomach

There’s a pit in my stomach

Filled with anxiety, pain, & worry…

Is this what happens when you’re under a lot of stress?

There’s a pit in my stomach .

Is this what happens when you’re worried about someone you love?

The unknown is bothering me

It’s eating me alive..

Ya know that feeling that something is definitely wrong

Or hey maybe…..

It’s just the unknown

But I just wanna know if she’s okay

That she’s safe and feeling well

I would know if she were with me

I’d be taking care of all her needs and more

In all the ways that count

But she’s not with me

I don’t know what’s going on

So….

There’s a pit in my stomach

I want it to go away

But first I would have to know that she’s okay

If not…

It won’t go away

There’s a pit in my stomach

 

 

Fear

I don’t think I’ve ever be in fear like I have recently. My body is doing crazy things & I’ve just been nervous lately. Today it felt like my insides were burning. I don’t know what’s going on but it’s scary. My body temperature changes erratically. One minute I’m overheated, one minute I’m freezing cold. My stomach has been hurting for two weeks. My chest is tight. I tasted blood in my mouth a few times.  I just feel something is off but I don’t know what it is. I was so scared and frantic at work because I felt so weak & like I could faint at any point. I don’t know what’s wrong I just know I’m scared and I wish there was someone to hold me and tell me everything’s going to be okay… NOT SOMEONE

Her..

Someone’s Missing…

I’ve been so down lately. I mean…I never knew someone could mean this much to me. Recently we’ve just drifted apart and I have no clue why. I mean this girl means the world to me. I used to be excited to go to work just to see her. This girl made me smile even having to put any effort into it. I would just go to work (when I was off)…just to see her, and we would talk for hours. About everything, about anything, about life, and just an array of things we were interested in. We would people watch and sit there and make fun of some people. We talked about so many things. I told her things that I have never told anyone. She’s the first person I was totally open with about my sexuality with. I’ve never connected with anyone on this level. I never expected to fall for her either. It just happened. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs….but I can honestly say I can’t imagine my life without her. I love her so much…I don’t know what to do lately she’s been ignoring my text messages, she barely says hi when I see her, and we barely talk anymore. It’s seriously a kick to my stomach. I don’t even know how things got this way. I don ‘t even know what I did or if I did anything at all. I just know every time I see her I get butterflies. I just know that without her…my life isn’t the same. The timing could be off, sure. Or maybe I’m just wasting my time trying to believe someone could love me enough to actually wanna be in my life. All I know for sure is that I’ve never missed someone so much. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend and the girl I’m hopelessly in love with. It’s like she’s been ripped away from me & there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. I mean she literally avoids me and its breaking my heart. I don’t know what I did I really don’t all I can do is cry because …..she’s deserted me. It could be because I’m not pretty enough, or small enough, or too much in general. All I know is….it hurts. Its even worse trying to keep it together every day, but it’s what a strong woman does, It’s sad to say that I’m used to people getting what they can from me & leaving, but I am. It’s just different because….I really love this girl. Like call me when you’re in any trouble love, like give you my last dime love, like I love you…I love all your flaws because you’re beautiful love, like…we’re not in the best place, but I will support you in whatever you do love. I love this girl and still it means nothing. She can’t even see that’s she’s really hurting me, that I cry every night before I go to sleep because I’ve lost someone that means the world to me. Like it doesn’t happen at all…for me to feel like this about anyone. I never really get feelings like these, and once I do. This is what happens?? I’m that disposable??  I let her see who I was. I was naked whether she believes it or not. I bared my soul to her, I’ve never done that for anyone. With every part of my being. I miss her and there’s absolutely nothing else I can do to change because no matter what how I feel won’t change. I’ve never missed someone like this before. I lay in bed sometimes just wanting to text her, When I see her I’m hoping she’ll smile or come up to talk to me, but she doesn’t, She walks another way. When I said hi the last few times. She brushed me off. When I really just wanna text her because I’m having a bad day..she doesn’t answer. When I see her talking and laughing with someone else I just assume she’s making fun of me. After all it’s not like it hasn’t happened before. This hurts…like the pain you feel that won’t go away. I’ve never loved like this. I’ve never felt like this.

A piece of me is missing…

Someone’s missing….

Someone’s missing….

Someone’s missing…

A piece of me is missing

I