Infinite Love

I want us to be together. Which means it pains me to see her with someone else. She’s my sunshine. She’s my life partner. That’s expected. I don’t expect the world to stop, but I don’t expect her to freeze me out either.

I want us to grow, and become the best people we can be. I want us to be strong , successful  and prosperous together. Since I can’t have all that right now…. I just want to be able to talk to her once in awhile. I just wanna know that once in a while I can hear her voice or once in a while we can call each other & see how each other are doing.

I definitely have my insecurities, but I don’t doubt that  I belong with her, and she belongs with me. I have a lot to work on. I have my flaws but she means the world to me. That won’t ever change  .

I’m just going through a tough time right now, and I wish she could kiss me on the forehead and tell me everything is going to be okay. I wish I could tell her about my problems and then fall asleep in her arms. At the least I wish I could hear her voice.

Since I can’t it gets hard. Especially knowing that she’s with someone who has more money, more stability, a child. It scares me and sometimes I get insecure because she has things that I don’t.  I mean I’ve never been reassured so….my mind wanders.

You see but the thing is. Even with all that. It’s not what we have. July 2014 I met the love of my life. Nobody can take that away from me. I’m grateful for finding her. Separation from anybody else wouldn’t feel like this…

I hope she knows that no matter how many times I get mad at her. The love I have for her is unconditional. It’s never wavered and it won’t. I also hope she knows that she has hurt me & I deserve an apology for some of the things she’s done.

We’re finding ourselves…I just wish we’d do it together, or maybe that defeats the purpose.

I miss her so much. I yearn for her presence.

That being said I love her eternally, wholeheartedly, and unconditionally and that will never change.

I’m glad to have found someone I can & will love forever.  I just wish she were here for me now.

This is real. This is eternal. We’ll always find our way back to each other ❤

The Power of Two Souls Meeting

It’s sad when you love someone & they can’t see that you’re what’s best for them. You may not be what they’re used to because you’re just different. But it’s upsetting ya know because…. You love them with your whole heart & you know damn well that nobody can love them like you do.

You know you worry about them 24/7 because you love them. You love them even when you’re apart. You know in your heart that they’re the one. You know for sure there’s no doubt. They’re just denying the obvious.

It’s powerful. No matter how many times you try to escape the powerful connection. It’s no way you can. And it’s not like you actually want to escape it, but you know they aren’t ready because they keep running away.

It’s no surprise to you that the two of you keep finding a way to be in each others lives. But you know. They don’t yet.

It’s not easy watching them blindly choose someone else. But you’re patient because you love them and what’s meant to be will always find its way. Perhaps there are lessons that they need to learn, and perhaps you still need to learn your lessons as well.

All you know for sure is that you found the love of your life, and you are damn grateful for that. You never even knew you were capable of loving in this magnitude. But now you do,  and you know there’s only one person in the world you could love this much.

No power like the power of two souls connecting. You never felt something so strong… And every time you’re in the same room with them there no way you can deny that they’re the one.

No way at all

And right now all you wanna do is be in their arms, cry, and tell them how much you’re falling apart …

Can’t Catch A Break…

The part that really bothers me is……shes pulling all the stops for shortie. For some woman who isn’t even all the way in, someone who won’t even show her to their friends/family. I always pretend like I’m fine because to me showing signs of weakness is quite difficult. But I’m not fine a girl I love with every bone in my body, is giving flowers to someone else,giving gifts to someone else, kissing someone else,making googly eyes at someone else, having sex with someone else, sharing a bed with someone else, the list goes on.  And I’m supposed to be fine, but how can I be? Now I know who it is. Someone that I used to speak to and converse with occasionally. She’s a decent person, but apart of me hates her, I don’t even want to look at the woman Because she’s spending all this time with someone I’ve loved for quite awhile now.  Someone who has my heart. I remember the day I first saw her…

It doesn’t matter if I never see it because I know everything that goes on. I know its attention that I have always wanted. It is slowly killing me. I guess I’m not as strong as I thought. No scratch that I’m very strong because I was raised that way. But I’m human….and its just not much more I can take. I’m already overwhelmed with school. I’m already overwhelmed with a couple health issues. I’m already exhausted and in pain. I’m already dealing with so much alone, and now I have to witness this…when will I ever get a break? When will someone be here for me? because after all I’m always there for other people, and I’m tired of crying myself to sleep.

Nobody said any of this would be easy. But I miss her. She never knew this but she was the only person I told everything to. She was the only person that listened to me. I have friends but some how I’m always fixing their problems, so mine never come up. Also I’m very private so I don’t even tell any of them anything…I only ever told her. So when I say I lost my best friend..that’s what I mean.. I’ve never missed someone to this extent, never felt like I needed anyone until her, never opened up so much until her, never knew anyone would ever mean this much to me. Maybe now…you get why I feel so alone and hurt. I can’t stand to see her with anybody else, it really breaks my heart knowing that she’s sharing her body and heart with someone else. After all she should be sharing her heart, her body, her soul, her spirit, with the person who will take care of it..with me. I know what we had was too intense too fast for her.

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Hey she’s too young I guess…. But another part of me feels like she deserted me. Left me alone for a fling. I love her so much and trust I know she has flaws. But it really hurts. She deserted me  out of her own selfishness. I would’ve never hurt her like that. I love her too much to ever do anything like this to her. She’s hurting me so much right now. Not only is she heavily involved with someone else, but she isn’t even in my life. She treats her like a queen. I’m not a

jealous or envious person but I wish she would’ve th

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ought me worthy of all that.

I just need a break from this thing called life…I’m grossly overwhelmed. Fe
eling like I’ll have a nervous breakdown soon…