Valentine’s Day Sadness

Today is Valentine’s Day. For a hopeless romantic like me this holiday should be the greatest day ever. I always dream of spoiling the woman I love, and just spending super romantic quality with my love. Instead this day makes me sad. Every time I see a happy couple on facebook, or an instagram post of someone’s Valentine’s Day gifts I get sad.

Not in the way you think though. I’m truly happy that they have love, I’m just upset because I don’t have anyone to share my life with. I’m upset because every Valentine’s Day no matter what my situation is..I seem to be alone on this day. I’m upset because the woman that I want to spend the day with, every day with as a matter of fact. She’s gone..and I miss her. The love of my life..

So today, this romantic, loving, memorable, yearly day, makes me extra melancholy this year. All I can do is cry.

Signed by a true hopeless romantic…

Pep Talk

I so relate to this…

Don't You Forget About Me

Amazing how a little self-reflection and gravity on your current situation can actually improve your mood when you don’t let the doubts and fears run a muck in you.

Simply put, I am a woman. I loved.  In no way should I allow my self-pity of that loss to color ANY of that love. In no way should I be ashamed that I did love.

Yes, I wish my situation at the current moment could be different. But that doesn’t have to take away my gratitude of what I am at this moment and in this moment. I am free. I am healthy. I have so many conveniences that it should make me blush at my abundance.  I have a shameful inventory of dark chocolate hoarded for this exact type of situation! I have a few close friends who I can call mine forever.  I’m unstoppable in internal growth.  I’m well.

I may…

View original post 27 more words

When True Love Happens

When friends turn into more

It’s kind of a gradual thing

You don’t notice at first because…

It begins with smiles, laughs,

Then it starts to turn into deep conversations

Which leads to deep eye contact

Then before you know it everything changes before your eyes…

You start to find ways to spend more time with this person

You feel a certain way if you see them flirting with someone else

You are emotionally attached to this person

And if you don’t see this person for ONE day you miss them

Although you deny these things at first

It gets impossible to deny

Eventually you fall in love..

You realized that this wasn’t just a friend…

But the love of your life

So when things turn left

..and life gets in the way

You find a hard time living without them

Cause this isn’t just anybody

By now you have known for quite some time

This person is the love of your life

So there’s no possible way to stop loving them…

Going without them is already hard enough

Where I’m At Right Now

I want to be crystal clear on where I’m at right now.

While I’m open to new possibilities, dating, getting to know someone. This year is about me and finding myself. I’ve come to realize that I still have a lot to learn about myself. I still have to learn how to fully love, and fully let go.

I’ve not given up on true love. I’ve meant everything I’ve said about who I think I truly belong with. I’m just not going to stop living my life because of it. I have faith that we will reunite when we’re both at our best. I wish her the best in all her endeavours, and I already know she does the same for me.

Nothing will ever break what we have. I know that we belong together. A few weeks ago I would get angry..heck even last week. But I won’t anymore. I refuse to because I know & have complete faith that we belong. Nothing, no one, no circumstance, could ever change that. What we have simply cannot be denied. So worrying about what she’s doing with someone else is unnecessary…

Right now I’m in a different place. I’m working on becoming a woman I will be proud of. I’m working on loving myself, and I’m working on loving the right way. So that one day I will love her the way she needs to be loved. I will be everything she ever wanted & more, and she’ll know what real true love is.

This journey is about me though. I know that in order for me to heal I need to learn to let others in. I’m doing that now….with someone else. This is a part of my journey. And what she’s experiencing right now is apart of hers.

There are probably lessons for me to learn. More things for me to experience.

And I’m good with that…because one day I’ll be where I’m supposed to be, and who I’m supposed to be.

Two souls will reunite when they’re supposed to.

Fate will see to that.

Healing Process

In 2016 I plan to evolve. I’m always looking to improve myself. I definitely have my flaws & things that I need to work on, but I know I have a good heart and I deserve love.

I can’t predict what anybody else does. I can’t change how people have treated me in the past, but I can’t keep letting all the things that have scarred me control my life.

I’m so ready to heal.

New Chapter?

I’m not going to get overly excited because it’s new

I’ve done that before

But that conversation was great

We exchanged numbers

I’m actually feeling good about this

Hope it goes well

If not I’ll still live to fight another day

 

Thought of the day: 2

Why and how can a person deny something so special? So real. For if she really believed all the things she attempts to convince me of… Why can’t we be in the same room when she’s around her girlfriend? Why does she avoid being in the same room with me when her girlfriend is around? If everything she says is really true there should be no problem with my name being in her phone, or us being in the same room. Because there’s nothing there right? Like who is she trying to convince me or herself?

Either way she’s not doing a good job of either.

Only thing she’s doing is proving that our connection is undeniable, and unnecessarily hurting me won’t change that.. .

I’d rather her just say that she can’t be with me right now because she isn’t ready, then deny we have anything at all.

It’s like just be honest with yourself.